If you've ever stayed up late to watch (or rolled tape on) Greg Gutfeld's Red Eye, you've surely come to love Greg's nightly "Greg-alogue". He also posts this nightly monologue on his website. Friday night, he hit one all the way to Moscow on socialism. Here it is in its entirety:

FRIDAY'S GREGALOGUE: SOCIALISM AND STUFF
So a new Gallup poll just came out, reporting that socialism was viewed positively by more than one-third of Americans. That's a lot of people, if you could call them that.

But I'm not surprised.

Think about it for a second. Since when has socialism ever been accurately portrayed in American pop culture or academia? I've never seen it covered in "Facts of Life," and I've watched every episode. And Rage Against the Machine, one of the most successful leftwing buckets of noise on the planet, never really explained how they spent their millions. Although I'm guessing it's not just on Rogaine and trucker hats.

Fact is, because socialism is a lie, people have to keep pushing the lie. When someone says, "Hey, my brother is a socialist," they never follow it with, "you know, that ideology based on envy that's responsible for the deaths of millions." No instead it's, "He sells Che shirts out of hemp, when he isn't recycling sex toys for the homeless. God he's so caring."

Fact is, socialism is the easiest thing you can romanticize, because it's a big fat exaggeration of "sharing." As kids, we were always told to share, because sharing is good. If you had twenty Playboys under your bed, surely you could hand one off to Billy, who has none. Socialism has always piggybacked on this notion: that it's just not right for you to have so much, when others have so little. Never mind that you've earned what you've got, while the others sit around watching Judge Judy in their underpants (sorry Bill). Socialism is government forcing you to share your stuff with jerks.

So the only way to teach American adults that socialism is evil, is to get them when they're young. The next time your son mows the lawn, instead of paying him directly - tell him you're going to "spread it around," to quote our President. Yep, even though you did all the work, Tommy, there are kids down the block who deserve that money just as much.

Now, if your kid finds this idea appealing, you have full permission to send him to Venezuela. He can mow for Hugo!

And if you disagree with me, you probably masturbate to Noam Chomsky.